I ran so many times. I ran and tried to rebuild, to reinvent, to redefine. But each time I got to the same point, where nothing seems to be enough. And I remember how my mother tried to make me understand that it is better in life to be satisfied with what you have instead of always wanting more and more. Because at one point you will just end up thinking nothing is enough, but without knowing what it will be. This is why sometimes I just start wondering what would have been, if I would have been a better fit in this kind of life or not. And I remember my grandfather, in the cold winter nights, bringing the lambs into the house. For sure it wasn’t easier, but it was simple: he knew what he should do in his life and day by day, without questioning why, he was doing his best.
There are more than 10 years since he died. So many years since I lost my connection with the country side, being lost in the big city, in the new way of living. Having material comfort and almost none psychic. It wasn’t easy on that days, working for your food all day long, without knowing what’s weekend, lunch or family dinner. Having a break only on Sundays, but not always. It was a Sunday, in February, when we were in a small village hidden in the mountains. At a house near the one we rented a sheep was giving birth. The doctor was helping her and a man was staying looking lost at the scene. When the lamb got out he stayed on his legs immediately and headed to the mother to eat. It was a matter of seconds for the baby to have more power than a human in the first days of life. The rules were simple and known. The way of life was known from centuries and the sheep with the baby only complied. Staying there for 3 days I couldn’t stop to notice how the life of the animals follows a specific line, without crossing it, without being stuck in days or dissatisfaction. In 3 trees 3 different, colored and noisy woodpeckers were accompanying the birth of the lamb. A dog was chasing a cat and a bunch of chickens started running around on the street. In this day everything was following a story, nobody knows about. And sometimes I wonder how come my life doesn’t follow a pre-written story and I have, from time to time, to stumble in the options I have in front of my eyes.