The title refers to a song from “Life of Brian” soundtrack. If you haven’t seen the movie until now, I recommend it to you with all my heart (I’ve seen it for more than 30 times and each time I laugh).

From some weeks I follow “Humans of New York” page on Facebook. One day I will buy the book also, because I find the stories and the pictures very motivating. I like the naturalness of the posts and how people manage to open themselves, to say their stories and pose for the pictures. I usually read the latest posts in the morning, when I smoke on the balcony. It is a nice feeling to start your day with positive thinking and the comments from the posts are damn good to start a new day. This morning I read the story of a woman who confronted with depression in the last 2 years. She was saying that in one day she just couldn’t get up from the bed and that all her thoughts were black and how she felt like she was dying. But for better understanding please read the posts on official HONY page.

And I’ve started to think about mine. I never ended up in my depressions in not being able to go to work or to do something. Everybody has days in which all they want is just to sit, to rest and watch some stupid movies – only not to think about it. Each time I was sad with no reason I was thinking “I am depressed” and I was consuming myself for each little stupid thing. Depression it’s real, it’s not a unicorn. It’s something that from time to time will be there, it’s just waiting. Since I was little I called this thing “the little black box from my brain”, because from time to time it opens and simply no joy, no happiness, no normal life. It didn’t matter who was around me, I was simply shutting the door – this is why almost all my friendships turned into some cold, rarely “Oh, how are you?” phrase.  And while you are depressed you simply can’t look on the bright side of life. Because for you nothing matters more than the consuming feeling that you don’t belong. And of course you will never understand depression if you never have been there – in this case empathy exists only if you were there before. So for 2 years I replaced humanity with therapy and for some time it worked. But therapy was starting to feel like a drug, each time I was feeling depressed I was making an appointment and I was starting to replace my social needs with my therapist. So I ended it, because it wasn’t what I wanted after all. 

People don’t get depression so easy. For some of us it is really hard to be happy. Some of us have to work a lot with them just to prove that they have the right to be happy. I was in this situation and for many years I denied my right to happiness. But I changed that 1 year ago. I changed the music I was listening, the movies I was watching. I started to do more what I like and less what I must.  For me it worked, I know now to be more relaxed and take the life how it comes. And it’s a real good feeling to feel natural and at peace with yourself.

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